Subtle Ways to Say “No” to Kids

We don’t like being told NO, do we?  So, imagine how kids would react if they are always denied what they want. Schools are supposed to attend the students’ needs, but not their free will. The boundaries between what students can do and what they cannot do is somewhat blurred when teachers do not set the limits properly. Eventually, it’s really hard for a kid to change from the permanent yes to a severe no.  The gap is easily seen when they are promoted to another level, and they themselves notice the difference in attitude. How can we solve this problem, which is a tendency in some schools? How should we say no in a “kind way”?

First of all, it is important to set limits as teachers. Yet, we should also be included in those rules, otherwise, the students will never trust us. Whatever limit is set, it is there to be obeyed by everyone.

When asking for silence, for instance, it is not recommended to hush students, since it sounds rather offensive. Use instead something visual: a nice piece of cardboard and a message on it will do. “Silence Please” or “No talking” are the most effective ones. You just have to put the cardboard up with a stick and everytime you do so, students will react very fast. Every now and then, allow students to gain control of that cardboard, so that we apply the notion of equality mentioned above. Give it to them when they are delivering an oral lesson. They will feel respected.

Another elegant way to say no to kids is by negotiating products and results. Suppose they have just come from the break and ask to go to the toilet. Now, have you teachers noticed that they need to move around? They may not necessarily have an urge to go to the toilet, so instead of saying yes and allowing a student to wander about the hall, ask him to erase the board, or ask who has finished the task or even become your helper for some minutes, so that he is carried away with other activities. Then, you will tell whether that student really needs to go out.

Finally, we have the reward. It may sound rather behaviouristic, but we got to admit that it has its pros. Chocolates, candies or even seals after completing the activities can really cheer our students up. After a long and hard day, it is always nice to say "yes" to the kids somehow or another.